


Save Yourself

by coffeeandghostwritting



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Breakup, Cheating, Emmerdale - Freeform, Hurt, Jealousy, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, Mentions of Therapy, Moving On, Prostitution, date, drunk, knowing when to move on, knowing when to save oneself, mentions of self harm, mild violence, robron - Freeform, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-07 08:36:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10356462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandghostwritting/pseuds/coffeeandghostwritting
Summary: My take on Aaron's reaction to finding out about Robert and Rebecca and how he decides enough is enough and it's time to save himself and move on. Robert suffers the consequences of his actions and Aaron tries to get healthy and move on.





	1. Truth

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know this will not happen at all like this in the show, but it made me feel better writing this! 
> 
> I'm still pretty new to the whole fanfic business so comments are always welcome.

Aaron couldn't believe he'd punched him. It was like an episode out of Jeremy Kyle with everyone in the village watching. Chas was screaming that Robert wasn't worth it and all Aaron could do was turn around and start punching the side of their future home over and over again till his knuckles felt raw and he was sure he'd broken a bone or two. 

Robert was slow to get up and Rebecca was looking like a deer caught in the headlights, not sure what to do, she started to help Robert up, but he waved her off, probably a wise choice because Aaron or Chas might have kicked off again. 

Aaron was resting his forehead againts the side of the Mill, breathing hard. 

Robert had already gotten up by now and was cautiously making his way closer to Aaron. He didn't fancy another punch, but he was willing to take whatever he could get from Aaron, he deserved whatever Aaron threw at him, even his anger and disgust. 

"Don't you dare come any closer!" Chas said to Robert as she buffered her way in between them. "You take your trollop and go!" 

"Please Chas, this is between me and Aaron, I'll go if he wants me to, but just let me hear it from him..." Robert was choking on his words as he could barely get them out at this point. Aaron still wouldn't look at him and he couldn't figure out why the hell Rebecca was still there. Her presence only served as a reminder of what a liar and cheat he was. "You need to leave." 

Rebecca's eyes filled with more tears, "But...I" 

Chas piped up again," Yeah, and you need to go..." 

Aaron finally broke through all the banter, "No, she can stay. I'm leaving. As far as I'm concerned, this place isn't my home. You can have it.." Aaron finally looked at Robert. Only it wasn't the words that made Robert's heart shatter and want to fall to his knees. It was Aaron's face. He wasn't crying... there was no emotion in him. Aaron's face was always full of emotion. He wore his heart on his sleeve, it was one of the things Robert loves most about him, and now he looked empty. Even when Gordon had shown up, Aaron didn't look like this. What had Robert done? 

"You have the rest of the day to get your shit out of the pub." Aaron uttered his last blow and walked away. 

"Aaron please don't do this... if I could.." Robert began... 

Aaron turned around and once again it was his eyes that almost brought Robert to his knees...nothing. 

"I don't want to hear it. Your words mean nothing. I will never be able to trust you again. Never. I've got to move on Robert. Yeah, I love you. I love you so fucking much, I don't know what to do with it! But...it's not enough. Sometimes you have to know when to walk away and save yourself!" Aaron looked up and the sky, then back at Robert. "I'm not weak, Robert."

Robert sucked in a breath. He looked sharply at Rebecca, who was a few feet away, off to the side watching their exchange. She wasn't enjoying what she was seeing; she looked like she felt awful. Robert knew she told. His heart shattered more, the guilt eating him alive. "Aaron, I..." 

Aaron interrupted, "This is me saving myself. And as much as I love you and hate you , I hope one day you find whatever the hell it is you're looking for."

"I did, Aaron! YOU!" 

Aaron shook his head, sadly, "No, you haven't... Otherwise, we wouldn't be here. You have today to get your stuff out." And Aaron walked away leaving Robert behind.


	2. Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter kind of went in a much different direction than I intended. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, I'm American, so I try to use British dialect, but it's hard, lol!

____4 months later

"How much do I owe ya?"

"500, It's only been a little over an hour. If you want a whole night, I'll give you a discount for 2,000." He smiled kindly but it was all wrong. The facial hair wasn't thick enough or maybe it wasn't dark enough. And the eyes were the wrong color. "We had a good time and I wouldn't mind doing it again."

"No, I'm good. Thanks." Robert put the money on the bed and finished putting on his shoes. It was July, so it wasn't cold out, but there was a slight nip in the air, or maybe it was the cold feeling he got every time he did this, paid for sex with a man.

Aaron was the only man Robert hadn't paid for...and women, he wasn't sure what that said about him; although, ninety-percent of his fucks recently he was drunk for anyway. In fact he was drunk most of his days now.

Robert and alcohol didn't mix but Robert was good at not learning his lesson.

Vic and Diane were starting to notice his love for alcohol and were giving Robert hell for it and that's when Vic wasn't bringing him meals and bitching about how he wasn't spending enough time at the scrapyard. Aaron had sold his shares to Ross and went back to working at the garage. Robert tore up the Mill kitchen the day he found out and didn't show up for work for over a week after. Robert wanted to throat punch Ross every time he saw him, which only made him want to drink more and work less.

Robert hardly saw Aaron, not for a lack of trying. He was practically banned from the pub, but Vic had manage to thaw Chas enough he was able to visit Vic occasionally for dinner but he hardly ever saw Aaron or Liv. Robert suspected she warned Aaron of his presence when he showed to keep him away.

The first time Robert saw Liv it was a week after he moved out of the pub; she started punching him in the stomach over and over screaming about how much she hated him and how she wished she never met him. Robert wanted to die that day. It felt like losing custody of his child, and knowing it was all his fucking fault.

Aaron later found Robert and apologized and said she just needed time. It was then Robert knew how much he had lost. Aaron was so selfless. He had betrayed Aaron in such a horrible way, yet, he knew how much Liv meant to Robert and cared enough to come back and reassure him and make sure he was okay.

"Listen, Aaron..." Robert began.

"I'm gonna go check on Liv..." And Aaron turned around quickly and out of Robert's sight before he could utter another word.

Other than their run in a week after he moved out, Robert only saw Aaron and Liv in passing.

Robert decided he would brave the distain of the Dingles and get dinner at the pub tonight. In reality he missed Aaron. He missed Aaron so fucking much, he felt it with such suffocating awareness that he thought he would choke with it some days.

Robert knew it was his own fault, and he knew that there was no way him and Aaron could ever be together. Aaron would never trust him again, and Aaron knew about the awful things he said about him. How could Aaron ever forgive that?

And Robert knew... he knew, know matter how much he didn't want to admit it, that he wanted to change for Aaron, that he wanted Aaron to be the one to change him, he would cheat again... eventually. It's what he does. It's who he is. It's how he works. He's not meant to have lasting, committed, monogamous relationships. His father was the same way. Aaron deserves better, he knows this but it doesn't change the fact, he wanted to be the one to give it to him and when Aaron finds someone who can give him what he needs, it's going to kill Robert.

\------  
Aaron knew meeting Kyle at the pub for drinks was not a big deal. It had only been 4 months since him and Robert split. Hell he still had his wedding ring in his god damn sock drawer!

Aaron knew that he was in no state for anything serious; his therapist and him both talked about dating, and coming off spice, prison, and his failed marriage, dating was the last thing he needed. However, Aaron figured company and a drink wouldn't hurt. He was so fucking lonely. He missed Robert so much. Sometimes Aaron felt the weight of his loneliness and his love for Robert get so intense his default was to self harm, but he would remember that feeling of being told Robert thinking him weak and getting that bubbling of determination to prove him wrong.

Aaron knew he wasn't weak. He knew mental illness didn't work like that, and Robert's ignorance on the matter shouldn't matter to him but it did...and does.

With one last look in the mirror, Aaron sucked in a final breath and let it out slowly, thinking, _time to get back on the saddle_ or however the fuck that saying goes and heads downstairs.

\------

"Oy, what the hell are you doing here, eh?" Chas yelled from behind the bar

The door hadn't even closed before Chas was yelling at him. Robert ignored her and made his way to the bar. As he was walking he spotted Aaron off to the left in one of the back corner booths with a bloke he's never seen before.

Robert's steps faultered. He just stood there like a muppet, just staring. "Oy" Chas kept hammer on for his attention and Aaron looked up from the fucker he was talking to. Robert knew this wasn't a business meeting. It was a god damn mother fucking date. Robert was starting to sweat and he had the sudden urge to drink anything and everything and run his fist into faces, particularly curly blond boys.

When Aaron looked up, it was awkward. He gave a slight nod to Robert, which Robert didn't return, he'd rather eat glass.

Aaron turned looking back at fucking curls and Robert wanted to scream and throw things and yell: look at me! I know I don't deserve it, I know I fucked up! You're mine! Fucking mine!

Vic came out from the back just then and Robert painfully adverts his gaze and made his way over to her, ignoring Chas.

"Sorry chas! You know I said Robert could come and grab dinner every now and then and it's been awhile."

"Well Aaron's on a date so he best keep his nose out of so help me." Chas was enjoying this. At one time, Robert could have sworn she cared about him once, possibly loved him. Now all that was left was bitterness and hate. It was his own fault and she loved twisting the knife in and watching him bleed. Robert winced at her words and had to grab onto the wood of the bar to keep himself from walking over to where Aaron and fucking curls were.

So Robert drank... and drank some more, and whisky was his poison.

"You've had enough" grumbled Chas.

"Not enough to make me feel better, I haven't so fuck off and give me another shot!" Robert slurred while watching fucking curls laugh at something Aaron said.

Chas was just about to say something else when Robert shot from his seat like it was on fire. "What the hell, Robert!"

I... fuck! I can't... shit. Fuck... I thought I could handle it but I can't..."

Robert stumbled out of the pub. He could hardly walk he was so drunk. When he got outside, he leaned against the brick and started puking.

"You gonna be ok?"

"What the fuck?" Robert tried to turn around but ended up falling on his ass.

"For fucks sake, Robert! How much have you had to drink?" Aaron said exasperated, helping him up.

"Not enough to get that image of you and fucking curls touching you out of my head!" And Robert pushed him then! "Fuck you aaron!"

"What? What the hell did I do?"

"I know I fucked up!..I know what I did was unforgivable! But I will never love anyone the way I love you! You... you are it for me. And I know that I will never have you again. I know that I'm going to have to watch you with someone else! It's...it's unbearable. So yeah... fuck you!" Robert was breathing hard from the drinks and tears in his eyes, words thick with drink and exhersion.

Aaron was looking at Robert intently. He wasn't crying and there was hardly any emotion to read on his face. "How does it feel Robert? Got a taste of your own fucking medicine for once, huh? Only difference is, we are not together! We are not married. We are nothing." And with that he turned and walked back into the pub leaving Robert behind once more.


	3. Surprise Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for all the wonderful messages and kudos! 
> 
> Also, I'm so very sorry for the cliffhanger! I will try and update soon! XX

Robert hated these meetings. He didn't see the point. Yeah, he could see how they helped some people, but for him, he didn't think they did much good. If it wasn't for Vic and Diane harping at him to go to his AA meetings all the time, he wouldn't bother.

On top of it, Robert was tired of them nagging him about getting a sponsor. He hadn't touched a drop in almost three weeks, didn't that count for something?

It had been a year since him an Aaron had split. Robert heard Aaron had moved out of the pub with Liv and into town, closer to Leeds. He'd also heard he was dating on and off, but nothing serious. Robert stopped going to the pub and going into work in favor of holding up in the Mill and drinking away his loneliness and grief. Aaron had moved on and Robert was a drunk who had to pay for sex from men that looked like Aaron and that was if he could get it up. He was pathetic, so he drank.

\----  
Robert had a run in with Cain a couple months back. He was in the garage drinking a bottle of whisky, which he did most nights, about three-fourths of the way through it when Cain came in. "What the hell are you doing here, Sugden?"

Robert was sitting on the floor but didn't even bother to look up. He wasn't too drunk; he had built up a pretty impressive intolerance. "Just admiring the view."

"Well get the fuck out. I needed to check on something and I don't need you here squatting like some homeless drunk!"

Robert didn't seem bothered by Cain's harshness. In fact, he seemed to welcome it. It reminded him of Aaron, made him feel closer to Aaron.

"No can do. I've fallen and I can't get up." Chuckled Robert.

"I'll show you can't get up, you idiot, once I beat the piss outta ya!" Cain came closer to Robert and yanked him up by his collar.

"Go ahead, Cain. Please." Robert practically begged. He wanted Cain to deck him. Maybe it would help him feel something other than loneliness and heartbreak. Pain was okay, it was better than nothing and it at least came from a connection to Aaron. It was as close to Aaron's hands as he was going to get.

"Fuck, Sugden, you're a mess." And Cain let go of him, propping him up against the wall.

"You can thank Aaron for that."

"No you have yourself for that!" Cain turned and made his way to the coffee pot.

"I know... sorry. You're right. I just wanted to be close to Aaron; we have so many memories in here. This is where we first fu... ah...where we said our vows." Robert trailed off remembering, continuing to inflict torture on himself. He was good at that.

"Whole hell of a lot a good that did ya when you turned right around three weeks later when Aaron was in prison and fucked that bird! Don't go crying about it a year later... or ever." Cain handed Robert a cup of coffee and leaned against the car that was currently in the shop being worked on.

Robert took it with shaky hands.

Robert knew Cain was right, didn't make his words any easier to hear. "I know... I just miss him and sometimes the loneliness gets to be too much and coming here helps."

"You've come here before?"

Robert didn't answer. Just set his coffee down on the ground, wishing he could drink more, but knowing that wouldn't go over too well with Cain.

"Listen, we all fuck up, Sugden...some more than others." Cain eyed Robert for a minute after saying that. "But... sometimes those fuck ups can't be repaired and you just have to find a way to cope and move on. What you're doing now... drinking yourself to death isn't coping. Trust me, when Moria and I split, I wanted to drink my pain away but... sooner or later you're going to have to learn to let go and move on. Aaron has. It's time you did the same." And with that Cain got up and left. Leaving Robert on the floor of the garage with an almost empty bottle of whisky and a garage full of memories.

\------  
Aaron had just came back from his support group. He had one the first Saturday of every month. Aaron hated going at first. He hated sharing all the reasons why he self-injured. He didn't want other's pity when people found out all he'd been through, that he'd been through more that any human should have ever had to suffer. What he found, though, was he was not alone. There were others that had gone through similar experiences as him. There were others who has been sexually abused, failed marriages, done drugs to cope, and had self hate so strong hurting themselves seemed like the only way to cope. Now, he doesn't know what he'd do without his support group. He even thinks about going back to school to help others like himself. _Maybe one day_ Aaron thinks.

Aaron walks through the door and pets Turtle Aaron and Liv' dog. Aaron still finds it funny when he thinks of the damn dog's name. It was Liv's idea to name the dog Turtle. She claimed it walked as slow as a Turtle when they first got her and Aaron wanted her happy so Turtle it was.

As Aaron made his way farther into the flat he was assaulted by loud, horrific teenage music.

Aaron didn't understand sixteen year old girls. He never would. Times like these he really missed Robert. He was really good with Liv, but fuck Aaron was getting a headache with her loud music and bloody mood swings.

Aaron was about to tell her to turn that shit down when his phone rang. "Hello," Aaron started making his way out to the back garden.

"Hey Aaron, it's me! I know it's been ages. You're probably thinking... what the hell...I'm in town for a few weeks and I'd like to see you and catch up. I've missed you, man!"

Aaron paused... collecting his thoughts, then it clicked.

"Aaron? You there? Hello?"

"Ed?"


	4. Awkward Meetings

\---Meet Ed:) 

 

"How many times do I have to tell ya we're just friends, mum?" Aaron was puffing on a fag like his life depended on it. His nerves were shot, and he didn't smoke much but occasionally he did, and today was one of those days.

Not only was Aaron back in village but he was having a drink with Ed in the pub. His mum had been nagging at him for ages to bring Ed around and since he was back from France for the weekend he decided to do that.

Aaron and Ed had been hanging out, texting, and calling regularly since he called him up out of the blue last month.

Aaron met up with Ed and found out he was visiting with his dad and brother and had a short R n R break from his rugby. They had dinner and Aaron told Ed about Liv. He didn't mention Robert that day.

Later that week when they met up again, they decided to watch football, relationships got brought up and Aaron ended up telling Ed he was married.

"You're married?"

"Was married..." Aaron stared at the wall not even bothering to look at the game or Ed.

Ed didn't say anything at first. That was kind of how Ed was. He waited. He knew when to push and when to let Aaron do things in his own time.

"His name is Robert... " Aaron told Ed about Robert and the kind of love that could destroy you and build you up only to destroy you all over again. Aaron tried to explain how the love Aaron felt for Robert was so consuming it felt like a sickness that was slowly eating him alive and killing him all at the same time, that in the end he had to get out or he knew it was going to destroy him, destroy them both, and even though they would probably always love each other, he had to be the one to walk away. When he finished he was shaking and crying, could hardly breath.

Ed knelt down in front of Aaron and put his head between his hands and brought their foreheads together, "one times two is two, two times two is four, three times two is six...come on Aaron, you know the drill." Aaron started reciting with Ed like they used to do in their apartment in France when he felt like the walls were closing in and the world became too much, " four times two is eight, five times two is ten, six times two is twelve..." And together the world become bearable again.

\-----  
Aaron hadn't told him everything about himself yet but little by little he had started to tell Ed some things. Aaron just couldn't bring himself to tell him about Gordon yet. They were friends.; it's not like he owed Ed more than that. Although, Aaron was starting to think maybe he did. Maybe he owed him an explanation for why it never worked out between them.

"I know that, love! I just thought it'd be nice to see him since you guys have been talking so much lately and he's been such a good friend to you." Chas smiled and made her way behind the bar.

Ed walked through the door wearing a black sweater and dark jeans. Aaron couldn't help but notice how fit he looked in his jumper and how much he had filled out with muscle. Aaron noticed the muscle last month but for some reason the jumper was doing things to him, and it made his skin seem more carmel-like in contrast to his jumper, and he felt the need to taste it, and Aaron couldn't figure out why the hell that mattered and turned him on so much. Aaron didn't want to go down this path again; him and Ed were friends; he needed Ed as a friend and didn't want to screw it up.

\----  
Forty-nine days. That's how long Robert's been sober. He had a chip to prove it and everything. Robert's sponsor insisted he carry around his one month sober chip everywhere he went. At first he thought it was stupid, but now he was kind of looking forward to cashing this in for his two month chip, just eleven more days to go.

Robert was finally starting to get a spring in his step and feel some lightness in his days, not much but it didn't feel so dark anymore. He still missed Aaron and the need for him got to be so much sometimes, he found himself craving the bottle so much, he'd call his sponsor cursing his moment of weakness and sobriety all in one.

Robert was making his way into the pub. He hadn't been to the pub in months, but he'd been sober now for almost two months and he missed Vic terribly. He wanted to talk to her about getting back to work and possibly setting up a meeting with Adam; he doubted Adam was going to answer his phone calls, so he figured Vic was his best bet.

Robert made his way into the pub, spotting Chas right away. He gave her a don't fuck with me glare and she gave him one right back. Robert felt a certain comfort that it was good to know some things never changed. Robert was sober and he wasn't taking any of Chas' shit. He was finally feeling good and she wasn't going going to fuck with that.

"Is Vic around, Chas?"

Chas stared at him for a moment not answering, looking like she was sucking on a lemon.

"Look Chas it's been over a year... can we move past this? I know... I know what I did to Aaron was unforgivable but I never apologized for what I did to you...for hurting you" Robert paused, looked at Chas who was looking shocked, "I'm sorry."

Chas didn't speak for a moment. She looked behind Robert for a moment then back at him. "Vic's in the back. I'll go get her." And she turned and went.

Robert sighed and sat down at the bar, wishing he hadn't come. He probably should have just called, a recovering alcoholic at a bar where he is hated by almost everyone probably wasn't his best idea.

Robert turned in his seat and spotted Aaron behind him looking at him with a look on his face that he hadn't seen in a long time. Was it curiosity? And who was that standing next to him? Robert didn't pay Aaron's companion much notice, all he saw was Aaron. He looked amazing.

His hair was a bit longer than the last time Robert saw him, ungelled. Robert loved when Aaron's hair was Ungelled. He loved running his hands through it when they kissed and fucked, in the early mornings when he would hold Aaron from behind and breathe him in before taking on the day.

He still had the beard; it was trimmed a little shorter than he usually had it. It looked amazing. He looked good, happy, healthy.

"Hi" Aaron said simple and short. Aaron always was a man to get right down to it.

"Hi" Robert whispered.

"It's been awhile... you look better since the last time I saw you."

"Yeah..." Robert didn't really want to have this conversation in front of Aaron's friend but he didn't want to stop talking to Aaron. He never wanted to stop talking to Aaron, and it didn't look like he was going anyone, almost like he was protecting him. Fuck.

"You look well, Aaron." Beautiful. You look beautiful.

Aaron smiled. "This is Ed..." Aaron wanted to be polite but this was awkward as fuck. He knew that Robert knew who Ed was. In fact, he might even know what he looks like, but he knew for sure he would recognize the name and put two and two together.

Robert's heart sinks and he tries to school his face. He's pretty sure he fails miserably. He knows who Ed is. The wave of jealousy that hits him is almost crippling. He wants Aaron happy and he looks it and that's the only thing keeping him from lashing out like he usually does. Ed doesn't shake his hand but he does give him a curtesy nod, which he can't blame him, they're enemies now, both on opposites sides.

"Right, I'm hoping to see Vic today. I need to speak to her. Chas went to get her." Robert can't think of anything else to say.

"Yeah, we"ll leave you to it" Aaron goes to leave and Robert wants to scream for him to stay, that he never wants him to leave but he knows he doesn't have that right and it's for the best.

"Rob?"

Robert turns around and sees Vic starting at him, like she's been trying to get his attention for ages.

When Robert gets home from meeting with Vic, he sits down at the kitchen table, bottle of whisky on the left and his phone with his sponsor on speed dial on the right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know there are many mistakes, but it doesn't seem to matter how many times I edit, I'll always find another mistake! Sigh...I can't re-read it anymore, so I hope you enjoyed it:) Once again, thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! XX


	5. Confessions and Wrong Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm just going to warn before hand, there's slight smut in this...nothing too graphic, and also, like I said, I'm mad at Robert so he doesn't fare too well in this chapter! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments!!!! You're all so wonderful!!! <3
> 
> Ps. I am sorry for the mistakes. I find myself going in and out of 3rd and 1st person quite often! Oops!

"Yo Liv, rugby is better than football! It's harder and requires more physical strength and you get to tackle people! Come on! Tell her, Aaron!" Ed was yelling from the park bench.

Aaron shook his head and threw Turtle his ball. "Sorry, mate I'll give you rugby might be more physical but it's not better than football... no way!"

"Yeah no one even understands it in the first place! Looks like a bunch of muppets hugging each other!" Liv said as she came up from behind Turtle to pet her ears.

Aaron chuckled, "She has a point."

"You guys offend me!" Ed smiled along with Aaron, admiring how much he had been smiling lately. He worried after seeing Robert in the pub the day before it would put a damper on their weekend, but so far, he still seemed healthy and content.

"Liv is right, you know." Aaron said as he made his way over to where Ed was sitting and sat down next to him.

Ed shook his head, smiling at Aaron and wishing he didn't have to leave tomorrow.

"How are you? I know it must of been odd seeing Robert yesterday..."

Aaron didn't say anything at first. He just sat there staring at Liv tossing the ball to Turtle.

"It was...I mean there's so much history there Ed, and I don't think I'll ever be able to look at him and not think of it.. " Aaron looked back over at Ed, feeling thankful for his friendship and concern. Ed was a good man.

Ed smiled at Aaron and grabbed his hand and held onto it. At first Aaron thought he was just giving him a friendly squeeze, but he didn't let go. He started rubbing his thumb back and forth and when Aaron look up at Ed, he saw kindness in his eyes but also something else... want. Aaron knew there wasn't the passion and fire like there was with Robert but with Ed there was kindness, safeness. There was understanding, stability, and warmness, all things Aaron needed. He'd had passion, fire, and that all consuming need with Robert and look where that got him, maybe safe and warm was what he needed both mentally and physically.

Aaron smiled back and leaned in, giving Ed a light kiss on the lips. He pulled back to assess Ed's reaction. Ed had his eyes closed, now gripping Aaron's hand tightly, and Aaron leaned in again and brought his left hand up and cup Ed's face, he deepens the kiss, and Ed let Aaron lead this.

When they separated, the rested their foreheads together both with their eyes closed. The kiss was familiar, warm, and safe. Aaron smiled, but he still felt a tinge of guilt that he thought of Robert in that moment, and he cursed Robert then because even now, during this beautiful moment with Ed, he still couldn't stop thinking about Robert and he feared he never would.

"I know you're still thinking about Robert. I know you well, Aaron, and I know that while it's been over a year, when you love that hard and passionately it's going to take time. I know... I know I'm not Robert. Honestly, I don't fucking want to be; I like who I am." Ed looked off at Liv and Turtle who were off the distance then back at Aaron, " There's something here and if you're willing, however slow, I'd like to see where this goes..."

Aaron didn't say anything for awhile, just stared off into the distance. Did he want to go down this road again? Was it really fair to Ed, to essentially be second best? Ed was a great guy, in fact he was a much better guy than Robert and any man would be lucky to have him, but was it fair to start something with him, when Aaron knew he was still in love with Robert. But Ed knew this! He knew what he was getting into. And Ed still didn't know about Gordon. Was it fair to even go down this road with still so many secrets between them.

Aaron looked back at Ed and took a deep breath, "There's something I never told you about me..." If Ed still wanted to see where things went after this, then he'd give it a shot. It's the least he could do. And he liked Ed. Ed was sexy, smart, and kind. He was a great friend, maybe... maybe it could be more.

Aaron couldn't get the image of Ed's face out of his head. He had to give him credit, he did a great job schooling his disgust, but he was human. There is only so much he could listen to before looking like he was going to throw up.

What surprised Aaron the most were Ed's words after Aaron told him most of what happened. He didn't give him details, more like the clifnotes version, "It really does explain so much..." Ed sighed and glanced back at Aaron, "Damn Aaron, I'm so God damn sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear." He looked down again. "It explains so much about why we didn't work the first time around... there were just too many secrets between us." Ed looked back at Aaron. " I can't imagine what that must have been like and how incredibly strong you are to survive it. You're amazing Aaron. Fucking amazing." Ed was shaking his head in awe. He didn't touch Aaron but he did scoot a little closer.

"You don't want get on the plane tonight for France and never come back?" Aaron asked feeling self conscious.

Ed looked right at him and kissed his forehead "never" he whispered.

\----

Robert was drifting in and out of consciousness. He was on his second bottle of whisky having finished the first

 _Fucking fit rugby players can fucking fuck right the fuck off Robert_ thought as he tripped and fell and landed half on the coffee table, cutting his cheek in the process. Robert just groaned and didn't feel it, as he was too drunk to feel much of anything. Robert gets an imagine of them fucking and undressing each other and he punches the wall, plaster and paint flying everywhere. "Motherfucker!"Robert screams, blood and spit flying everywhere.

Robert slides down the kitchen wall. _He flashes back to a morning he and Aaron were in bed, having just woke up, he was holding Aaron like a spoon. Aaron always liked to be held. Robert knew it was because it made him feel safe. Robert remembers smelling Aaron's hair and loving running his nose through its softness when there was no product in it. Aaron started to stir and he would start grinding his ass subconsciously into Robert's crouch, making him hard._

_Robert would start peppering kissing on Aaron's neck, fulling waking him up. "Ahhh," Aaron would moan, and Robert would reach back to the night stand for the lube and wouldn't even bother to trying to take his boxers all the way off. He would simply slide them down far enough to give him access where he needed to be. They were that hungry for each other._

_Robert would prepare Aaron with his fingers and slide in from behind and fuck him while still being spoons, never even saying a word to each other. Those were some of his favorite moments. He remembers that particular moment the most. Because later that day was the day his whole life came crashing down, it was the day Aaron found out._

Back in the present, Robert crawls across the floor to reach the whisky bottle that had fallen to the floor. He knows he must look fucking pathetic, on his knees to get the last few swigs of alcohol on the bottle because most had spilled on the floor when he tripped over the coffee table as he remembers the worst day of his life.

_He remembers going to the Mill with Aaron, Chas, and Liv to move some last minute things in, and Rebecca comes in wanting to talk to him urgently. Robert couldn't get her out fast enough. He wanted her gone, but Aaron's not stupid. He knew something was up._

_He wouldn't let it drop. He apparently called Rebecca back over and asked what was going on and she told him everything, about how Robert came onto her, called him weak, and they fucked in the Mill on their bed._

_"I told him..." Rebecca said. You could tell she was nervous. Looking between Chas and I._

_"Aaron listen... "_

_"I already knew...I hoped I was wrong. But in prison when you came, talking to me about how you messed up, I think I knew then..."He was visibly breathing harder now, almost gasping for air, fists balled up at his sides._

_"Aaron, I'm so sorry, let me explain...I thought we were over. Please, it meant nothing..." Robert was desperate, pleading with Aaron to see his point of view._

_Aaron snapped at this point and punched Robert, sending him flying to the ground, then punching the side of the Mill over and over again..._

Robert finds himself once again back in the present, wishing he had more whisky and a new brain with a new set of memories so he could stop playing his on repeat. Robert couldn't help but wonder about all the fucking memories Aaron is making with Mr. Fit Rugby Player and after that thought he started throwing up, all over himself and the floor, wishing the ground would swallow him up.


	6. Moving Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, two chapters in one day! I actually had some of this chapter written earlier! I just had some time to finish, so I figured I'd post before bed! 
> 
> Warning: Slight smut again! 
> 
> Also, this chapter isn't nearly as angsty as the last chapter! 
> 
> Enjoy:)

Ed was just telling Aaron how he was thinking of taking a position with a rugby Union team, closer to Yorkshire. Aaron didn't know what to say. They'd only been together six months and they hadn't even had sex yet! Aaron was too afraid to take their relationship to the next level. Yes, they had sex before when they were together previously, but this was different. There were no secrets between them now, and Aaron was a different man now, they both were.

"Aaron, are you even listening to me?" Ed was clearly exasperated by Aaron's silence and lack of reaction.

"Yeah... I mean that's a big step. I know you could stay with your dad and brother but I'm assuming you're wanting to say with Liv and me... ?" Aaron was bitting his lip. Clearly having hard time with the conversation.

"I mean, I dunno, we would have to talk to Liv... see how she feels. It would still be a few months to get everything sorted, and Aaron, we still have a lot to figure out. I wouldn't need to move in right away..." Ed was clearly trying to make Aaron feel comfortable.

"You remember when we were trying to make a cake for Liv because she was feeling sad and missing her friend Gabby?" Ed was leaning back on the sofa smiling at Aaron while Aaron was smiling back at him with his head inches from his.

"Yeah I remember" said Aaron fondly.

"Yeah, and you remember dumping the whole lot of flour on my head and us having a huge food fight in the kitchen? Hell, we even got food on Turtle and she tracked it all over the house! We spent hours cleaning that shit up and we never got the cake made! We ended up having to go to the store and buy her one!" Ed was laughing hard with his head pressed in the back of the sofa. When Ed laughed hard, his dimples showed.

Aaron was laughing and nodding his head as he remembered their idiocy. Liv didn't even like the cake they picked out, so they ended up eating it all themselves in bed while watching reruns of Seinfeld; he also remembers that was the first time since being back together they had done anything besides make out.

_Aaron remembers when their making out become so heated he couldn't take the heat of his clothes anymore; he needed them off. He remembers thinking he needed them off and it was like Ed read his mind, or maybe he said it out loud. He couldn't remember._

_Ed began pulling his shirt off and Aaron's first reaction was to become self conscious, but Ed didn't give him time. He started kissing down Aaron's stomach, his nipples, belly button, like he'd seen it hundreds of times before, which Aaron suppose he had. Once he got to his bottoms, Ed looked at him for permission, which Aaron nodded frantically._

_Ed pulled off Aaron's bottoms and Aaron remembers he didn't want this alone. He needed Ed undressed too. He remembers flipping them and pulling his shirt off too and his bottoms as well. Once they were both undressed Ed took them both in hand, Aaron on top while Aaron sat in his lap, and Ed brought them both to orgasm while both were panting into each other's mouths. It was short and frantic, like they were a couple of teenagers. It had been a long time for Aaron and he was turned on and desperate for Ed and he felt safe and happy and when they were done, he slept like he hadn't slept in months._

Aaron was brought back to the present by Ed's next words, "I've never seen you smile so much Aaron, l...l want to see you smile like that every day. I want to make you smile like that every day." Ed looked at Aaron with so much love and emotion that he almost broke Aaron and at the same time healed Aaron with that love. He wasn't sure he deserved Ed's love but maybe he did. Maybe he was learning that he did. That a quiet simple kind of love was what he needed and deserved.

"Move in with me, Ed."

\----

Robert was learning that he was his own worst enemy. That he would self destruct time and time again as soon as things start going well for him. He's relapsed twice now. The first time was when he saw Aaron and Ed at the pub. Robert didn't surface until Vic came looking for him because of he missed his meeting with Adam and she found him, house a mess, and covered in his sick. It wasn't Robert's best moment and Vic threaten to drive him to rehab that very moment. He couldn't bring himself to let his sister take him to rehab so he called his sponsor to do it.

Once he was out of rehab he was clean again for three months before he fell off the wagon again. This time because of loneliness and boredom more than anything else. However, the fallout wasn't quite so spectacular. He went to AA the next day and started all over again. He's almost been sober again three months. He's just shy of his three month chip.

Robert even got a cat. His family and counselors thought it would be nice for him to have something to take care of, something that gave him responsibility. Her name is cricket. She's a stubborn pain in the ass, but she looked lonely and pathetic in her cage at the shelter and Robert thought she would fit perfectly with him. She's grown on him, and Cricket keeps him company on days when he feels like the days and nights get to be too quiet. 

Robert had moved out of the Mill and now rented a small flat outside the village. He didn't have enough money to afford the Mill with him missing so many days of work at the scrapyard. He was thinking of selling his part and doing something else; he just wasn't sure what.

Selling the Mill provided Robert a way to have some cash saved but he needed to be sparse with it because the scrapyard wasn't making him much money these days. Selling the Mill allowed him to let go of the constant weight that had been holding him back because it held so many painful memories, memories of the life he would never have, that he was so close to having if he hadn't fucked it all up. He didn't need a daily reminder of what could have been. He didn't need a daily reminder of his bad choices as a man, and what alcohol has done to him.

Yeah, Robert still missed Aaron...still loved Aaron, still missed alcohol...still loved alcohol, but it was time Robert started letting both go. It was time to move on.


	7. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to all my lovely readers! Thank you for reading! It means so much:) Also, thank you so much to everyone who's been leaving me kudos and lovely comments. For those leaving me comments, you might have noticed I made it to where all comments have to be approved by me before they're posted... 
> 
> I've have had such amazing comments and feedback! I really do welcome all comments that are kind as well as constructive criticism. 
> 
> I know there are Robron fans that are very passionate about Robert/Robron! I used to be, too. However, this is fiction and things change, and I felt like some very passionate Robert/Robron fans were getting angry on a personal level with me with this fic:/ So, I had to monitor comments... If you are pro-Robron and are adamant they be together in the end...this may not be the fic for you. 
> 
> This story has been a way for me to let go of the Robron whom I loved so dearly for over two years and was let down by Emmerdale. It's been a way to show my love for Aaron and create a world where he deserves better. This story has been a way for me to explore things I've wanted ED to do on their show. I know not everyone is going to agree with what I do in this story and that is okay, but all that I ask is for anyone commenting to be respectful to me when they do. Thank you so much! 
> 
> Now, enough of all that! 
> 
> Back to story:)

"Get off my God damn face, Cricket!" Robert all but yelled while rolling over in bed. Robert slowly got up out of bed. He was getting old. He could feel it in his muscles as he tried to stretch them and heard them pop. He rolled his neck and made his way to the bathroom. 

Robert had to make a quick stop into town to the garage to pick up his car; Cain had been working on it, and it was finished. Cain and Robert were on decent terms and trusted Robert to leave what he owed him in the office. Chas was getting married to Paddy today. Robert chuckled, shaking his head. 

Robert had been working for a tax firm. Helping people with their taxes; he was always good with numbers. He didn't make millions, but it paid the bills. He's been sober ten months. Once he was showered and changed he grabbed his coffee thermos and ten month chip and out the door he went. 

The garage hasn't changed much, and Robert still gets assaulted with memories every time he approaches and enters the garage; the only differences is, those memories no longer cripple him and threaten to send him straight to the bottle. 

Robert finds his keys and enters Cain's office and sets the money on the desk. He turns around to leave and runs right into to non other than Aaron Dingle. 

Aaron needed to run by the garage and get a part for Ed's car. He had some time before he needed to get ready for the wedding and he didn't want to do it after. 

He couldn't believe he was inches away from Robert fucking Sudgen. "What are you doing here?" 

Robert was startled at first, but quickly finding his voice, "Ah... Cain... Cain was fixing my car and he said I could pick it up today..." 

"On a Saturday? " Aaron questioned, ever the skeptic. 

Robert laughed, "Yeah, he's been busy with wedding shit so he said I could just pick it up today and leave the cash on his desk."

"Right... " 

They both fell into a awkward silence after that, not sure where to look with so much history between them, acutely aware of where they were. 

"Kind of ironic where we are, on a wedding day no less!" Robert laughed thinking it was funny.

Aaron laughed too, "Yeah, you can't make this shit up, mate!" 

More silence. 

Robert looked up over his shoulder sensing someone else in the room. 

Aaron turned. It was Ed. He was watching their exchange, with an odd look on his face. He didn't look mad but he didn't look happy either. Aaron went to say something to him but he was gone before Aaron could get a word out. 

Aaron yelled for Ed to wait up and chased after him, leaving Robert behind and utterly confused by the whole encounter. 

\----  
Aaron tried to talk to Ed about what happened at the garage, but he didn't want to talk about it. He kept saying "now wasn't the time" or "this is about Paddy and your mum" which Aaron found himself growing increasingly irritated and worried throughout the whole ceremony. 

He couldn't figure out what he had done so wrong that had Ed so upset. Ed hardly ever got upset or angry. Ed was always so happy. He hardly ever got mad. In fact, Aaron can't even count the number of times him and Ed have fought on his hand, and it was mostly over stupid things like who had the best sports teams, never over anything serious. 

It was one of the things Aaron admired  
most about Ed, where Aaron was full of emotion, Ed was reserved. They balanced each other, so it didn't create an explosion of fire and carnage like it did with him and Robert. 

"Ed listen, I know there's something bothering you... please, just... " Aaron's words died in his throat. He was becoming emotional. They were dancing together at the reception. Aaron had had a few drinks and he was growing increasingly worried about Ed's mood. He was not laughing and joking around like he normally did. Something was wrong. 

"Aaron, babe... I'm fine. Let's just dance. We can head home after this, if ya want?" Ed was staring at Aaron but his light was gone and Aaron was on the verge of panic, but he found himself nodding. 

Liv was staying with Gabby for the night and Aaron and Ed said their goodbyes to her. Aaron made his way over to Paddy and his Mum, "Congrats, Mum! I'm so happy for ya! I love ya!" He hugged her tight. Tears flowing freely. 

"Now you stop that! You're making me mess up my makeup!" Chas all by yelled! She grabbed Ed next giving him a tight squeeze and whispered something in his ear. Aaron couldn't make it out but Ed pulled back and they both stared at each other until Ed finally nodded. 

"Come here!" Paddy said and hugged Aaron close. 

"Now it's officially and all... you being my dad." Aaron smiled and looked at the ground, cheeks turning slightly pink. 

Paddy grabbed Aaron again and hugged him again, tightly, tears in his eyes. 

\----

When Aaron and Ed got home, they hadn't spoken pretty much the whole car ride home. Aaron tried, but it felt so forced, he gave up and turned the radio on instead. 

When they entered the flat he'd had enough and let it rip. "What the fuck is going on Ed?! You've been like this since you saw me speaking to Robert at the garage and you've barley spoken to me since!" Aaron was breathing hard, exasperated and annoyed, practically screaming. 

Ed whipped around at Aaron's words, more angry than Aaron's ever seen him before. Aaron was taken back. "I can't do this Aaron! I can't be second best! I saw you today! I... I saw you with Robert!" Ed starts pacing the floor back and forth clearing having a hard time and struggling with his frustrations. Ed was not confrontational. He didn't do yelling matches and jealous boyfriends, but apparently he'd reached his breaking point. 

"I know there is so much history there. I know... God damnit... I know. We've been together almost a year! And I thought I'd be okay being second best... "

"Ed" Aaron interrupts 

Ed continues, " I thought I'd be okay being second best and I guess I was when I didn't see the evidence of it staring me in the face... but... but seeing you with him today after being with you for almost a year and loving you for so long, it just hurts too much, Aaron." Ed stopped and there were tears in his eyes. Aaron took a step forward but Ed took one back. 

"I know that you don't share your feelings openingly. I understand that giving your history, Aaron, but I've giving you all of me... and it's not enough. I deserve better." Ed shook his head and made his way to the bedroom... 

"What are you doing?!" Aaron said in a panic. 

"I'm leaving Aaron. This is never going to work!" Ed was making his way to their closet. 

"Ed this isn't fair! You never even gave me chance to explain! You just assumed! I mean you never even fucking get mad or upset about anything and the one fucking time you do, it's to leave me! How is that fair?!" Aaron was crying and shaking. 

Ed had turned around to look at Aaron. He didn't open the closet doors. It was his suttle way of giving Aaron a chance to explain. Aaron took it. 

"I ran into Robert today because he was picking up his car, and I had to get a car part... that's all it was! Yes, there is still history there, there always will be! I've never denied that!" Aaron took a deep breath and came closer to Ed who was still by the closet doors. Aaron got in his space. "But for the first time in years, I was able to look at Robert, talk to Robert and not feel physical pain, like he was sucking all the air out of my lungs. I felt nothing, nothing but old memories. You wanna know why?" Ed didn't say anything. He just looked at Aaron, feeling human and insecure for the first time when it was usually the other way around. Aaron was now cupping Ed's head and their chests were aligned, "You, Ed..." Aaron paused...."I love you." And with that, Aaron devoured Ed's lips. 

Later when Aaron and Ed where in bed, after making love, Aaron remembered his mom whispering something in Ed's ear. "What did my mom say to you at the reception when she whispered in your ear?" 

Ed didn't answer at first. He was running his hands through Aaron's hair, as he laid his head on his chest. "She told me to never let you go." 

Aaron smiled, happy, truly happy, when he didn't think he'd ever be this happy again. "You know, I really hate to ruin the mood and all, but we're out of lube!" Aaron chuckled when Ed through his head back laughing. "You always knew how to kill a moment! Well, we can't have that, now can we?" Ed said. 

Aaron's laughs turned into a soft smile as he drifted asleep in Ed's arms.


	8. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely readers, what can I say... this fic has been so much fun to write! I'm not sure if I'll do more or perhaps there will be an epilogue! I don't know! I've enjoyed writing this so much! 
> 
> I have a Malec fic I must get back to! LOL! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments and kudos!!! It's meant so, so much!!!
> 
> Also:
> 
> -Brief coming out scene  
> -FLUFF, SO MUCH FLUFF AT THE END IT MIGHT MAKE YOUR TEETH HURT! HAHA! 
> 
> Um...I think that's it! 
> 
> Enjoy:) 
> 
> Thank you again!!! You all have been AMAZING! xxxx

"Hello, my name is Robert Sugden, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hello, Robert," the group said in unison.  _Why do they sound like robots?_ Thought Robert. He knew he needed to focus; he was nervous.

Robert had been going to AA for over two years, but this was the first time he was going to share, truly share something other than his name and the obvious, that he was an alcoholic. He figured it was about time.

"I have a cat named Cricket...I ahhhh, have a sister and I don't know why she's put up with me so long." Robert knew he was going to have to do better than this. Everyone was looking at him with understanding and patience, but this was painfully awkward. Robert blew out a breath.

"I've been clean almost two years.... I didn't know I had a problem, but when I think about it a lot of the poor choices I've made started with whisky. In fact, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made resulted after I drank three-fourths a bottle of whisky." Robert chuckled, shaking his head back and forth, even though he knew there was nothing remotely funny about his story.

He stared at the crowed looking back at him, they'd all been there, similar stories, some even worse stories than him and continued. "I was married, to a great man, fucking great man." Robert cleared his throat. "I had it all, and when he needed me most, as soon as things got tough, I turn to the bottle and slept with my ex-girlfriend, and not because I'm bisexual like the stereotype tells us, but because I'm self-destructive and a drunk... or was a drunk." Robert pauses a minute, before he continues, prepares himself before continueing to lay himself bare.

"He... he found out of course, as these things have a way of always coming out in the end....he didn't stick around, who could blame him, after the things I did and said, promises I broke. He deserved better. Only the drinking got worse. I spent more days drunk than sober, and I'd have sex with prostitutes that looked like him then I'd drink more just to forget how disgusting I felt." Robert didn't look at the crowd; he had to keep going.

"I saw him a couple of times, and he looked happy, healthy which was good. I wanted him to be happy... but here I was so miserable and he was moving on....dating and I was drowning, of course it was all deserved but it didn't make it any less painful." Robert looked at the crowed, seeing himself in others who were listening to his story, who had lived his story, and he pushed forward. 

"I stopped going into work because of the drinking and when I finally got sober for awhile, I saw him again and he was with his former boyfriend, the one he was with before we met, and I knew... I knew then, that this was it. This was when it was really over. I mean... I knew it was over, but it's when it really became real. I got so drunk that night, I cut myself all up on the coffee table and got sick all over the floor and myself..." Robert gulped and he hated remembering these memories because the shame was so overwhelming, "My sister found me covered in blood and my own sick, and I'd never been so mortified in all my life! I checked myself into rehab that day..."

Robert paused and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. He took a minute to continue. "I was clean for three months and I relapsed again but since my last relapse it's been almost two years. I even saw him again about a year ago, and even though it was still painful, it didn't send me straight to a bottle of whisky afterwards. I...I don't have all the answers. I still live in a one bedroom flat with my cat, but I've started dating again and not the kind where I pay for it. For the first time in a long time....I feel, I feel.... I feel....hopeful." Robert finished off strong. Blowing out a relieved breath, Robert reaches into his pocket for his sobriety chip, while also looking up at the crowd who are clapping for him. He feels proud of himself, proud he had he courage to share his story, that he has come so far. Robert knows he has a long way to go, that his struggles are still very much there; however, he is finally starting to see that he is more than just his father's son, the disappointment and cheater, and Robert knew if he could get through this, he could get through anything, all he had to do was take it one day at a time.  

\----

Aaron couldn't believe they had a house, a dog, and Liv was in her final year of school! Aaron had even gone back to school to study social work and worked part-time at a local mechanic shop downtown. Some days Aaron thought he was going to go mad with all his school work, but Ed was patient with him and helped him. He wanted to help others like himself.

He was still going to his support group as often as he could; he tried to never miss a Saturday. Aaron continued to see his therapist every Tuesday, and his psychiatrist every six months to check how his medications were doing for him and see if he needed to make adjustments. Yeah, life wasn't perfect, but it was stable; it was calm and Aaron was happy. Ed had also stopped playing rugby, and was now a coach for a local rugby team near where they lived.

Liv had turned out to be less trouble than Aaron had anticipated, no boys or girls to worry about. Liv didn't seem to be interested in dating of any kind, which was fine with Aaron. Aaron kept thinking he was going to have to give the shovel talk but he never did. Then one night while Aaron and Ed were watching TV she asked them if there something wrong with her, tears in her eyes, asking why everyone her age was having sex and in relationships and she had no desire for either. She said she enjoyed the few friendships she has and being with her best-friend Gabby, but kissing...sex, "She didn't get it," as she put it. Aaron, told her, "No, there was nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex or not be in a relationship or being in a relationship without sex." She didn't look too sure, but Aaron grabbed her hands and looked her straight in the eyes, emphasizing, "It was okay, she was normal, there was nothing wrong with her," over and over again until she got her light back and smiled once more. When Liv left the room, Aaron and Ed sat there looking at each other not saying a word, knowing that Liv had just inadvertently come-out to them as asexual, possibly aromatic, and when she realized it, they would be there for her in whatever way she needed.

It was a simple life Aaron was living. No, there weren't any near death experiences, punches, guns to each other's heads, affairs, meddling ex-girlfriends, or even grand declarations of love. There was, however, comfort, safeness, respect and everyday acts that showed each other how much they loved one another; there was a softness to his relationship with Ed, and it was warm and safe. Most importantly there was trust, and Aaron trusted Ed inexplicably.

"Hey, I'm home!" Aaron said as he walked through the door. He didn't get an answer, so he made his way through the house.... nothing. Not even Turtle greeted him at the door like she usually did. _They all must have been outback,_ thought Aaron.

Liv and Ed had the back garden set up like a football field. Aaron and Liv were still trying to get Ed to come over to their side and admit defeat on the rugby vs football debate; it was a working progress.

"Oy, it's about bloody time!" Liv said from the net.

"What? I just got done with class, you know today's my late day!" Aaron said bewildered.

"She knows, babe; she's just being Liv. Just like you, impatient as ever." Ed came over and gave Aaron a kiss on the lips.

"Now would you like to play a game?" Asked Ed.

Liv and Ed were both being odd, Aaron eyed them skeptically.

"Why, what are we playing for?" Aaron asked Ed.

Liv was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet like she had ants in her pants.

Ed threw the ball in the air and caught it before saying with a smirk, "Winner has to marry the loser."

Aaron didn't reply at first, clearly shocked and confused... and not sure if Ed was joking, so he began to laugh.

Aaron looked at Ed and could see that he wasn't joking; Aaron stopped laughing. 

Aaron replayed Ed's words in his head for a solid minute. "Wait... did you just? Either way... no matter.... what?"

Aaron looked over at Liv who was biting her nails, looking nervous.

They planned this, Aaron thought. When Aaron looked back at Ed, he could see the nervousness creeping in as he waited for his answer.

Aaron rolled his eyes and grabbed the ball from Ed's hands, "You're on!"

 

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to clear one particular part up...
> 
> First, here in the US when it comes to mental health we have support groups for many different kinds of things, depending on the area you live and the particular kind of support group you need (self-harm, eating disorders, grief, PTSD, etc)
> 
> Second, many people see counselors/therapists weekly that are different from psychiatrists and they do not prescribe medications, they are there to talk and help patients, they are not doctors.
> 
> Third, many people will also see a psychiatrists as well because they're doctors, and this is where they get diagnosis and medications prescribed to them as well a medication adjustments and changes to their meds if need be.
> 
> I don't know exactly how this is done in the UK, but generally this is how it's done in the US, obviously not exactly like this every time; there are exceptions to every rule:) I just wanted to be clear for those who are reading and might be wondering why Aaron is seeing so many different people! I also did not feel comfortable getting into too much detail about what kinds of medication and diagnosis Aaron might have, as I am not an expert or qualified to go into detail on that, which is why I stayed vague.


End file.
